Monday, May 17, 2010

Separation Anxiety

Emily is a very independent adventurous girl. Even though she likes toys and dolls, she'd much rather have an experience than a physical object. Given an option to go to a waterpark for 4 hours or pick out 10 new toys, she'd go for the water park. I often think she will be chomping at the bit to get out and explore the world.

Her reward for staying in her room all night for the week is to sleep with her Dad on Friday night. She says he's warm and fuzzy. Truth is she doesn't like to be alone. David and her had gone to sleep in the guest room. He always uses this time alone to ask about her day. I was on the computer. And she starts to cry, like seriously sobbing. I walk in and ask what happened. They were talking about how she will go into first grade soon. Then, they counted all the grades through 12 and then David told her she'd move out of our house and go to college. She was so upset at the thought of leaving us that she couldn't stop crying. I told her she could live here for as long as she wants. It was touching to know that at the age of 5, she never wants to leave us.

We were tucking Ben in the other night. David and I sit on his bed and listen to him say the same prayer (Now I lay me...) every night. Then we smother him with kisses. David asked him who he loves and he pointed to me. It's no secret that the boy loves his mama. I told him one day, he'll grow up and find another woman that he loves and marry her and have his own house and family. He started crying hysterically. We couldn't get him to stop. He thinks he is going to marry me one day. So, I had to assure him that he will always be able to stay here and that I will always love him. He'll start preschool next year and he'll probably have a huge crush on some little girl. And he'll forget all about marrying his Mama. So for now, I'll enjoy being his one and only.

And this little man, who is trying to wave hi in the picture, is starting to get the idea of separation anxiety too. When I leave the room, he starts to fake cry and grunt. I didn't get it at first, but now I realize it's his way of protesting me leaving his line of sight. It's kind of sweet. He loves me.

I sometimes think about our empty nest days. I know it will be extremely difficult for me. I'll have to redefine who I am again. But if my little chickadees never want to fly the coupe, that's fine with me. At least David and I will have somebody to stay at our house and watch the pets while we travel around Europe.


Linda said...

And here I would have given anything to feel like I was missed from time to time, when Sarah was growing up. She was the kid standing in line with me on the first day of Kindergarten (full day here), who gave me an odd look when the boy in front her started crying for his Mom. She was like "what the heck is wrong with him?" and then "see ya later Mom".

When she was in before/after school daycare, I used to arrive in the afternoon to pick her up and she would get mad at me for being there so early - afterall, she was in the midst of having fun with her friends. Oh yea - she was only 6 then.

Yes, just once I would have liked to have felt like she missed me. I guess it's different being that she's been traveling away from me since the time she was born.

Enjoy the moments. The rate the economy is going, Jim and I are already resolved that Sarah will probably need to live here much longer than after high school and college, unless some boy comes along... :-)

pam said...

Very sweet!