Yesterday was one of those days.
Noah had his 9 month well check. We sat in the waiting room for 50 minutes. Ben was running around like a crazy boy and Noah was fussy. His well visit turned into a sick visit when they discovered an ear infection. He had been stuffy since Saturday and I worried it was turning into an ear infection. He's on antibiotics again. His fifth round of antibiotics since December. They usually consider tubes in their ears after 6 ear infections in a year. We only have one to go. I'd much rather he get the tubes and have him healthy.
We were at the Doctors office for more than 2 hours. Then, we went to Fry's for some groceries. I wouldn't have bothered with the grocery store, but one of my WIC checks was expiring yesterday so we had to go, and we desperately needed celery and a few other things. I bribed Ben to be good in the store with a chocolate donut. Works everytime.
We get to the checkout and the man rings up my WIC stuff. You have to purchase it separately from your regular groceries. Then, he discovers my check expired on the 11th. It's the 12th. Crap. It was only $8 worth of stuff, but I was mad at myself that I didn't check it better. He needs a manager to void the transaction. The line behind me is 4 people deep and they are all staring at me. The manager is no where to be found.
Ben is about 10 feet past the bagging area playing with one of those stuffed animal claw vending machines. I'm watching him out of my peripheral vision. We are waiting and waiting for the manager with the magic key. The people behind me are growing impatient. And Ben takes off running, like a mad dash. I call his name, but he doesn't hear me. Then, I see what he is running after. ME! Or who he thinks is me. A lady with curly red hair and a black shirt is pushing her cart towards the pharmacy and Ben thinks she is me. I literally have to scream his name about 5 times. I can't run after him. I have a purse and baby in the cart. He finally hears me and turns around very confused. Everyone was staring at me. I was embarrassed.
We are still waiting for the manager and that dang key. It's been almost 5 minutes. The lady behind me offers to buy my groceries. To which the cashier tells her that my WIC check expired and they are waiting to void the transaction. Thanks dude. She tells him when that is done, she would like to buy all my groceries. And for the first time since being on WIC, I was humiliated.
I never felt that way before. The state took David's pay, I found a way to get some of it back. Tit for tat. But it's a different story when a stranger feels sorry for you and wants to buy your groceries.
I felt poor.
I wanted to laugh and tell her that I have more money in the bank than she probably does and that I own my house. Like literally, we own our house. No mortgage payment. But, I didn't.
I broke down at register 6. My eyes welled up with tears. I thanked the nice stranger for her generosity. Then, I pulled out my American Express and paid for my groceries.
And I forgot to pay for Ben's donut that was sitting in his belly.
We got home. I felt tired and sad. Noah was cranky which made everything worse.
I called a dear friend who had in vitro fertilization 6 weeks ago and got pregnant. She had her ultrasound. There was no heartbeat. I felt such a loss for her and her husband and the baby that they want so desperately. She was being strong and trying not to cry, so I cried for her.
My husband left work early knowing that I was at the end of my rope. He's a good man. A very good man.
The day ended with Noah puking up his antibiotics and his dinner all over me. I just sat there as spew after spew of puke went all over me. I didn't even care anymore.
I went to bed with a heavy heart and a pounding headache.
But each day is a new day, and today is going to be better.
I will give my daughter an extra kiss when I pick her up from school.
I will read Batman to Ben as many times as he wants.
I will hug my sick baby a little tighter.
I will kiss my husband a little longer.
Because I'm not poor,