I'm Back

When we got back from San Diego, I couldn't find my groove. Everything that I used to do felt like a chore, dishes, laundry, carpool - yuck, I just didn't want to do any of it. I spent my days playing on the computer, reading a book and catching up on TV shows that we missed while we were gone. I wondered when I'd get my mojo back.

Noah is getting 4 teeth at once. Two molars on the bottom and two of the canine teeth on top. He's been a little out of sorts this weekend. He was running a slight fever due to the teething and was not happy.

Friday night he was screaming in his crib. It was 3 in the morning and I was tired. I got Noah and brought him in bed with me. David went to sleep on the sofa. I had read somewhere that being held by a parent is better than medicine when a baby is sick. So that's what I did.

I had on a big scoopneck t-shirt and I put him right on top of me. His head rested on my bare chest. I could tell he was instantly soothed. I realized that I hadn't held him quite like this since we did kangaroo care in the NICU.

Kangaroo care is skin on skin contact. You take off your shirt and bra and wear a hospital gown with the opening in the front. The baby lays on your bare skin. Hearing your heartbeat and being warmed by your body helps babies thrive.

I layed with Noah on me for over three hours. If I tried to roll him to the side, he would wake up and cry. So I just held him. I rubbed his head which was right under my chin and his toes were at my knees. When did he grow so much? A year ago, he was like a tiny kitten. Now, he was the length of half my body, which isn't exactly hard as I'm only 63 inches. Time is going by too quickly. I soaked up my alone time with my baby boy. And I thrived. Maybe kangaroo care is just as much for the parent as it is for the baby.

I found my mojo in my son at 4 AM. Who knew? It's always the last place you look. I realized that the things I do everyday aren't chores. I'm taking care of my family, the people I love the most in this world, and that is never a chore.

Noah was content to lay like this all weekend taking turns between David and I. David is laying on Noah's pillow pet. Maybe I should get him one for Christmas.

And then last night, tough love had to set in. Noah got used to sleeping on us in just two days. He liked it and he wanted to keep doing it. I let him scream for over an hour. I went in to check on him to make sure he wasn't wet or stuck in his crib. And when I left he yelled, "Mama". It was the first time he ever called me Mama and I felt horrible that I couldn't go in and just love on him.

But, I held my ground and let him cry it out.
Mama with all her mojo is stubborn.
He finally fell asleep and so did I.
I am back in the groove.