Plenty of P's

Thanks to our good friends in Prescott, I have a laptop to use. I'm at the Safeway using their WIFI. Thanks also to Pam, who loaned me her card reader so I can upload some photos. I always knew we had wonderful friends and family, but I'm overwhelmed by all the love and support.

Pity Party
I still struggle daily and allow myself a little pity party. I still feel sadness that this didn't go the way I planned and Lord knows I'm a planner. I'm upset that David nor myself got to see our son born and a nurse had to tell us that he cried when they pulled him out. I feel bad for Noah who had to start his life too early with a struggle already ahead of him because I got sick. The funny thing is I rarely get sick. Maybe I was just saving it all up for the big ol' life threatening illness. Thank God it's gone. I miss Emily, Ben and David terribly. I'm now able to talk about it without tearing up (although I am now), but I can't make it through their nightly prayers and goodnights without crying a little. What Mom wants to kiss their kids goodnight over the phone? It was wonderful having them here this weekend. I had one heart wrenching moment when Emily called me Granny. My kids have never mistaken me for anyone because I was always there. I know it was an innocent mistake, but it still tore at me.

Positive Perspective.
I try to stay positive. I have a healthy baby who needs to gain some weight. I didn't die. These are all good things. Emily and Ben are being well taken care of by my Mom and David. We will all be together soon enough. Actually, within an hour of being with the kids, I thought to myself, "Are they always this loud?" A week of peace and quiet made me realize just how hyper a 3 and 4 year old are. I'm going to use this time to relax and take care of Noah. I know the chaos will be there to greet me soon enough. Also, being in the hospital with so many sick kids and staying at the Ronald McDonald House where every parent has a sick child, makes me incredibly grateful. My kid isn't sick at all, just skinny. I'm incredibly fortunate and blessed and I always need to remember that.

Pressure.
I took my blood pressure at Walmart yesterday and it was 119 over 79. Yea! Last week it was in the 160's over 100's. I'm back to my normal old self.

Progress.
Noah is doing wonderful. He got taken off the IV yesterday. He kept pulling it out, so it went from his arm to his foot to his head. Ugh...the head. But, it was the best place for him. He now only has his feeding tube down his nose. He's back up to his birth weight. He's almost able to maintain his body temperature. Yesterday they had him in a t-shirt for the first time. They keep turning down the heat on his incubator and say he will probably be in a crib by the end of the week. They will also start trying to bottle feed him Thursday or Friday when he is starting 34 weeks. That will be our last hurdle to master. Once he can eat on his own and gain weight, we can go home. Nobody will give you a date as every baby is different, but the nurse yesterday said with a wink, "You'll be out of here in 2 weeks sweetie." Wouldn't that be nice? I'm not getting my hopes up, but it does look like it's a realistic goal.

Place.
The NICU that Noah is in is brand new and very nice. It's a far cry from the football field of incubators that we are all used to. We have our own room with a sofa that can be used for a bed and a big comfy chair. We can stay there all night if we want to. There is also a curtain I can close while I pump. It's so nice to have that privacy.


Pumping.
I'm trying so hard to get my milk to come in. I didn't pump for 4 days after Noah was born due to the magnesium and all the IV's. I'm really trying to make up for it now. I'm slowly, very slowly increasing and he was able to get a full feed yesterday of my breast milk (it took me the entire day to make that much). The nurse also put a little in his mouth with a syringe while he was sucking his pacifier. His first taste of anything. And boy did he seem to enjoy that. I'm going to continue to work getting my milk in as with RSV and swine flu and everything else out there, my little preemie needs all the help with his immune as he can get.

Pictures.
This is from last Friday...7 days old






These last two were taken yesterday...10 days old while I was holding him.





Peace.
Overall, I've made peace with what has happened. Yes, it wasn't my plan. Yes, it sucks to be away from the rest of my family. But, I trust that I'm exactly where I am meant to be right now. The next few weeks will fly by and we will all be together again. I'm already planning it...