I told you to keep a journal while you were away at camp and write about this new experience and everything going on; what you are doing, what you are eating, funny stories, if you're sad, if you're happy. Oh, I hope you are happy.
But, I feel like I should write you a letter too. Because your time away is a new experience for me. Sure, you've had a sleepover at a friends house a few blocks away and Dad and I have gone away for our anniversary a few times for a couple days. But, I've never been at home, in our routine, but missing our girl. You've always just been a phone call or text away. But, I'm in the dark now. I can't hear your voice or send you silly emojis. It feels like 1980, and I don't like it.
I called your Dad after he dropped you off at school to see how it went. He said he fought back the tears as you seemed confident and he didn't want to ruin that. I missed you all day. Everything felt off, making one less lunch, not making you an afternoon cup of coffee, waiting to pick you guys up after school and not seeing your pretty face come around the corner.
Then, Dad came home from work and his eyes looked red. He said he had a hole in his heart because he missed you. I felt the same. Dinner was different without you. You and Noah are the two that sometimes fight, so without you, I thought it would be quiet. But, go figure, Ben and Noah got into it a few times. Your ipad sat untouched. Your spot on the sofa and at the dinner table empty.
I made dinners you don't like as much, orange chicken and meatloaf, so you wouldn't miss anything special. Dakri invited us to the pool last night, and I didn't want to go without you. It somehow felt wrong to do things that I knew you'd enjoy. We did loving as usual and the bed had way too much space in it. We needed your little body to make us whole. We couldn't decide on what TV show to watch. We needed our tie breaker.
Noah said grace and prayed that you were having a nice time and that you weren't sad. I know you are having fun, but I still miss you. We all miss you. Always know that you are loved and you fill a special place in our family. Without you, we're not the same.
I just got the boys from school and thought tomorrow everything will be back to normal. I'll walk out of the school with all three of my kids. The fights will start before we even reach the car and I'll yell and everything will be perfectly imperfect. I can hardly wait.