Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Fair

The year I turned 30 was a year of huge change for me. I became a wife and mother before my 31st birthday. When Emily was 4 months old, my Dad sold the family business and I became unemployed for the first time since I was 13.

I remember not knowing how I would feel everyday being a stay at home Mom. Would I feel lonely? Bored? Useless?

There may have been a day or two here or there that I did feel some of those things. For the most part though, I feel anything but bored and useless. But those early days when our kids were babies were rough.

We had cranky babies. All three of them. Noah is still cranky and I fear it's not just a stage with him. I can remember the day that David went back to work after his paternity leave with each of them and left me home alone with 1, then 2, then 3 kids. I remembering hoping that I didn't fail.

There was a time when Ben was about 3 months old and I called David at work and asked him, okay I didn't ask, I begged him to come home. I was at the end of my rope. Emily was asleep, I put Ben in his crib and I went in my dark closet, hugged my knees and rocked back and forth crying until my husband came home.

My husband saved me. He always saves me.

But I've been doing this now for 7 years and although having a preemie 2 years ago, threw a wrench in my daily routine, I've been in a groove for awhile. There are still days that I want to hide in my closet. And there are days that I'm at the park on a beautiful sunny day watching my kids play and I almost feel guilty. Almost. I've paid my dues. I deserve the perfect park day on occasion.

The guilt comes from the fact that I'm having such a great time and my husband is stuck in an office. He's always said that he couldn't do what I do day in and day out. It is hard. Some days are harder than others.

But, my husband is always there for me. He walks in the door from work, greets the kids and me and if dinner is almost ready, he'll jump in and help. He doesn't ask what I need done, he knows. He bathes the kids every night. I've still only given them about 20 baths their entire lives. Total. My husband is a good man.

David's job has been giving him a lot of headaches lately. He can't sleep most nights thinking about work stuff. I wish there were something I could do to make things better for him. And although I can't get him a new job or a new boss, I'll just support him and listen. Oh and the other night, I threw in a massage just because. I should do that more often.

He deserves it.

Meanwhile, I go about my days. Earlier this week, Noah was napping and I was watching a Friends marathon on TBS and surfing the web on the laptop and thought that life is pretty sweet. My biggest worry for the day was catching Noah before he did this:
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I was on the computer and my Spidey senses were tingling that he was up to no good. Yep, definitely up to no good.

Today, my biggest issue was over who was going to lick the spoon after making rice krispy treats. He won.
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And since I know how stressed my husband is, there may just be 1 rice krispy treat left for him by the end of the day. Those things are dangerous!

1 comment:

Linda said...

You're such a loving wife and Mom and that's such a good thing. It's funny, you and I both became wives and Moms right around the same time of life. I was 1 month before my 30th Birthday when I married Sarah's Dad (because I wanted to be married by 30), and just a couple of weeks past my 31st Birthday when I had Sarah. Everything after that though, is completely different for me - since I decided less than 6 years in, that wasn't for me and had to return to work. That's why 9 years of marriage is such a BIG deal for me - and next year 2012 will be 10 for Jim and I and after I broke up with my first boyfriend who lasted over 10 years, I never thought something would last this long again and even then, I have "those days...." I should give a back rub once in a while, but I don't. I gripe way more than I need to, but hey - I have a teenage daughter. That's all I'll say.

Love, Linda