I've been watching The Locator lately. A show where Troy Dunn goes in search of peoples long lost relatives and reunites them. He always says that there are three sides to every story - his, hers and the truth. I completely agree.
So what do you REALLY get when reading a blog, especially my blog. A glimpse. For the most part, I'm a pretty positive person, so you are only getting the positive side of every story as seen through my eyes. Since this is my journal for my kids, I find it easiest to tread on the side of happy and the negative stuff tends to get overlooked and not written about. But, the negative stuff does happen. And one day when my kids read this, I want them to hear all of it...the good, the bad and the ugly.
Trust me, we are not all peaches and cream. We have issues and problems just like every other family.
We'll start with our newest little Noah Bean. He is still not sleeping through the night at 8 months old. He is teething and learning to sleep unswaddled and he has some major catching up on growing to do since he has been sick since December. I'm sometimes up 4 or 5 times a night. David takes over around 4 AM and then I'm reassured to get some decent rest from 4-7:30. I know David would help more if I woke him up, but I feel he needs sleep in order to function the next day at work. I have the luxury of taking a nap (although it never happens) and staying in my pajamas until 2:45 when I'm forced to dress just to get Emily from school. (I refuse to be that Mom in yoga pants and no make up everyday.)
Sleep is one of my favorite things and not getting enough for 10 months is making me very, very cranky. I sometimes get up to take care of Noah after being asleep for 45 minutes and I feel dizzy. In any case, it was cause for a pretty big argument between David and I the other night. I learned that he wants me to wake him up more, so that I won't be so tired. I think the real reason he wants me to get more rest is so we can stop having cereal for dinner. I think Noah may have heard the argument because he only woke up once for me and once for David last night. I'm hoping he is turning the corner and we can see a little flicker of light at the end of the tunnel.
Emily had a playdate yesterday and came home with a pink rock. She seems to always come home from playdates with a trinket. Luckily, I'm good friends with the Mom of the other little girl who found out the story later and relayed it to me. Apparently, Emily asked her friend about 10 times for the rock until she finally gave in because she was afraid that Emily wouldn't be her friend anymore. So, that's what is going on. My sweet little girl who seems so quiet has mastered the art of persuasion. At home, her manipulation is very transparent. I was shocked to say the least and the rock was returned to it's rightful owner with an apology this morning. I hope she won't be doing that again.
Ben has been throwing some superhero sized tantrums lately. He's always been pretty mild and I feel like sometimes he saves it all up and goes postal. Not a good thing. We are starting to take away his superheros when he has an outburst. He needs to learn to express himself before it escalates to another level. He has also started to refer to himself in the third person as Batman. "Batman is hungry." "Batman wants orange juice." Not all the time, but when he is in full Batman dress up gear. He also has us act out scenes. He'll tell me what to say and to look out the window while I say it. He is writing a screen play complete with stage directions in his head. Is this normal for a four year old?
And don't even get me started on financial problems. David is getting another paycut in June and more mandatory furlough days. In the past year, he has lost 12.75% in pay, no overtime and has furlough days. We got a decent tax return and that's the only reason we are going to be able to take a vacation this year. With the addition of Noah to the family and the paycuts, we now qualify for some federal financial assistance programs like WIC and reduced lunches for Emily. We make the cutoff by a few hundred dollars a year, but we qualify. And you know what, I'll take the help wherever I can find it. David has worked for the state for 10 years and he almost makes less now than he did when he started. He didn't get the state into the mess it's in, nor did he receive any raise when everyone was living high off the hog during the economic boom. Now, he has to help bail the state out of the mess it created. I think we should move to Costa Rica.
We wouldn't qualify for federal assistance if we hadn't gotten the paycuts. Noah's special preemie formula is $250 a month. It's all covered through WIC. It's for kids under 5, so Ben is also getting about $40 a month worth of free food. I've been packing Emily's lunch the entire year because she barely eats it and it was way cheaper than the $1.75 that the school charges. She wanted to eat lunch at the school so she could sit by her friends. With the reduced lunch program, it costs 40 cents a day. I can't make her lunch for that cheap. And Noah's co-pay's for his RSV vaccine was going to cost us $300. Through some financial program through Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy, it's all covered. There is help out there. You just have to find it and not be embarrassed to take it. The State finds ways to keep taking David's pay. I'll keep finding ways to get it back. So really, it all comes out even in the end.
David and I haven't been on a real date in almost two years. Our last date, we saw The Dark Knight with Heath Ledger. He's been dead for over 2 years. Well, there was that one real romantic night last year when David came down to Phoenix and we visited Noah in the NICU, ate at the hospital cafeteria for dinner and went back to our room at the Ronald McDonald House. We slept in seperate beds because my C-section still hurt and I needed pillows all around me for support. There was nothing romantic about that night. We need to start making some time for just us.
And since I'm airing dirty laundry, I haven't washed our bed sheets in about a month, my house is a mess and I don't put away morning dishes until right before dinner.
Forgive me, I'm tired and nobody is perfect, especially not us.